Almost, but not entirely, unlike Jesus

¡Hola!

Thank you once again to everyone who has emailed me while I've been away and for your comments on this blog. All much appreciated!

Last Friday was the Saint’s Day for Madre Micaela (one of the three nuns who run the Hogar) and so we had a bit of a fiesta. I was told from numerous sources that it would start at “seis a punto” (on the dot of 6pm). For the last time (I refuse to make the same mistake again) I turned up on time for something in Bolivia, forgetting, of course, that everyone here runs on Bolivian time…

Here is a brief translation between Bolivian time and the rest of the world:

4 prompt = anytime between 4.30 and 5
4 o’clock = don’t bother turning up till at least 5 and we’ll get going by 6.
4ish = it may never happen

At the ‘posta’ (clinic) they use a different time system where no matter how early you turn up, nor how long you have queued for, you are already too late. Sarah has had a tough week wrestling with the Bolivian Health System, including a Kafka-esque Monday night that I hope I will have time to feature in another post.

Anyway, I was particularly frustrated this particular night because I was told that I needed to be ready and dressed up for 6 since I would be appearing as Jesus in the first song. To cut a long story short, I had agreed to play the part of Jesus appearing to a girl who represented a young Madre Micaela, while the Hogar’s choir sang behind us.

So I ended up hanging around causing no minor interest as I waited for the party to kick off since I was dressed as Jesus in a long white robe and red sash. I had also been given a wig (‘peluca’). I refused to put it on until the last moment a. because it was just way too hot to wear it and b. because its long curls made me look like some ‘70s rock-star Jesus who, having been unsuccessful in the auditions to join Led Zepplin and Queen, was now on the preaching circuit.

Eventually the party got going. We weren’t the first act after all. Instead the girls did dance after dance ranging from the traditional to rock and roll. They even did a Grease medley! I had to keep hidden out of sight of Madre Micaela to keep my eventual entrance a surprise. During the dances I discovered that the ‘Jesus song’ wasn’t till the end of the night after all and that before it was the
volunteers’ dance, which was coming up next. I dashed off for a rapid costume change…

Following the success of N*SYNCs comeback performance of ‘Bye Bye Bye’ in Montero the week before, we volunteers had been invited to perform another surprise dance. The night before the fiesta, we got together and knocked up a simple, yet effective, routine to the tune of Britney’s ‘Hit Me Baby…’ The premise behind out act was that I was to be the school ‘cool kid’ (hard to imagine, I know). The other volunteers, dressed in borrowed school uniforms, were then to dance round me, trying to get my attention as I stood still, impassive, looking cool. Now this is my kind of dancing…

It went down a storm with the kids, even if I do say so myself. Next up I had a super-quick costume change and I was Jesus once again, scary wig et al.

I felt so embarrassed to be looking so ridiculous that I actually completely forgot the words to the song that we were supposed to be singing. Still, it was worth it to see the look of shock on Madre Micaela’s face…

The combined effects of two consecutive dances, two high-speed costume changes and that stupid nest of a wig had left their toll. I came off after the song very tired and very hot. It was at this point that I uttered those memorable words that I never thought would pass my lips:
“Man, I’m a sweaty Jesus.”